Its hard to articulate accurately through here... I mean that overall, everything sounds equally 'off' rather than there being a specific element that i can pin point and say ' if you changed X the mix might work a lot better '
Does it sound off to you or not, ? What other electronic music do you listen to (that you would like this to have some degree of similarity to), and when compared to that, do you think your track stands up?
Be honest with yourself.
My advise would be keep going, if this is your first piece just keep writing and it'll start falling into place.... Learning your samples / sound banks is a big one so that you know what to reach for when writing a track and what kind of sound when heard raw is going to sit nicely within a certain style.
Logic 9.1.3 .
OS X 10.6.5, Mac Pro,
M Audio Firewire 410,
Roland SH-201 (used primarily as midi controller)
NI Massive 1.1.5
Yamaha HS 80 monitors