My gf is not interested in hearing my music

hey. I have this issue bubbling inside me for awhile now and I would appreciate your opinion guys. I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and she is the first one who said don't give up music when she heard one of the tracks I made 10 months ago. After a break of deciding what exactly should I do with my life, I started pumping out tracks that I thought was hot but now my girlfriend is not interested in listening to them. She doesnt ask me did i make a new track? i tell her I would like her to tell me if my music sucks or whatever and i will not get upset if she says that. But she claims that she got things going on in her life right now and she is not a music critic and it's not really my job..(so?) I keep wondering how does she not want to find out more about me and how I think through my music. I am starting to think that she doesnt really love me and she is with me for some other reason and that i should dump her. What do you guys think?

thanks

hey. I have this issue bubbling inside me for awhile now and I would appreciate your opinion guys. I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and she is the first one who said don't give up music when she heard one of the tracks I made 10 months ago. After a break of deciding what exactly should I do with my life, I started pumping out tracks that I thought was hot but now my girlfriend is not interested in listening to them. She doesnt ask me did i make a new track? i tell her I would like her to tell me if my music sucks or whatever and i will not get upset if she says that. But she claims that she got things going on in her life right now and she is not a music critic and it's not really my job..(so?) I keep wondering how does she not want to find out more about me and how I think through my music. I am starting to think that she doesnt really love me and she is with me for some other reason and that i should dump her. What do you guys think?

 

thanks

You need a reality check.

You need a reality check.

what do my interests has to do with my girlfriend? what reality check? i must be too dumb to understand what u mean

Try Dan Savage!

who is that?

I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and she is the first one who said don't give up music when she heard one of the tracks I made 10 months ago.

10 months later...

But she claims that she got things going on in her life right now and she is not a music critic and it's not really my job..(so?)

Sounds to me like there are bigger issues at play here.

First of all, look at the contrast that you're presenting to her: at the beginning, I'm assuming you felt a little tentative/insecure about your music, but she supported you, that bolstered your confidence and you pursued it full steam ahead. Great! But 10 months later you've lost your confidence and back to being insecure. In short, you're right back where you started. Now, that's not anything out of the ordinary for a musician. Most of us harbor insecurities. "Is what I'm doing good enough?" Thing is, some women can't handle "insecurity swings" very well. They want their men to be secure and confident 24/7. And her "I'm not a music critic" quip might be her way of saying "it's not my job to help you have the confidence I think you should display 24/7". In short, she may have lost some respect for you because you're being insecure and she doesn't want to (or can't) handle it.

Another thing might be that she resents how much time you're spending on music; maybe she's feeling neglected because you're sitting in front of the computer all damn day writing tracks. Or maybe she feels resentful because while you're sitting at home making music, you're not making a living.

These are all guesses, of course, trying to read between the lines. Whatever the case may be, though, I think you should look below the surface for your answers.

"... All you sucker DJ's who think you're fly

There's got to be a reason and we know the reason why

You try to put on those airs and act real cool

But ya got to realize that you're acting like fools"

"... All you sucker DJ's who think you're fly

There's got to be a reason and we know the reason why

You try to put on those airs and act real cool

But ya got to realize that you're acting like fools"

you hear of someone for the first time and u r like, that dude sucks

then u hear him again, and u r like: oh its that wanna-be again, poor guy, he will never make it

then u hear that guy again, and u r like, wow that dude is actually pretty good, i am gon go buy his album

I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and she is the first one who said don't give up music when she heard one of the tracks I made 10 months ago.

 

10 months later...

 

But she claims that she got things going on in her life right now and she is not a music critic and it's not really my job..(so?)

 

Sounds to me like there are bigger issues at play here.

 

First of all, look at the contrast that you're presenting to her: at the beginning, I'm assuming you felt a little tentative/insecure about your music, but she supported you, that bolstered your confidence and you pursued it full steam ahead. Great! But 10 months later you've lost your confidence and back to being insecure. In short, you're right back where you started. Now, that's not anything out of the ordinary for a musician. Most of us harbor insecurities. "Is what I'm doing good enough?" Thing is, some women can't handle "insecurity swings" very well. They want their men to be secure and confident 24/7. And her "I'm not a music critic" quip might be her way of saying "it's not my job to help you have the confidence I think you should display 24/7". In short, she may have lost some respect for you because you're being insecure and she doesn't want to (or can't) handle it.

 

Another thing might be that she resents how much time you're spending on music; maybe she's feeling neglected because you're sitting in front of the computer all damn day writing tracks. Or maybe she feels resentful because while you're sitting at home making music, you're not making a living.

 

These are all guesses, of course, trying to read between the lines. Whatever the case may be, though, I think you should look below the surface for your answers.

ski u r on right point. i just need to find a soulmate, not just a new girlfriend. some relationships are transactional and some are transformational.

http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=blow+up+dolls

which one do u have?

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"w/ Rear Entry Hole"

http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=blow+up+dolls

 

 

which one do u have?

I see you put a lot of thought and original wit into this reply...

http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=blow+up+dolls

 

 

which one do u have?

 

I see you put a lot of thought and original wit into this reply...

before i buy anything i look at user's reviews. there are so many options and some are better than others. But i am interested in women only, u got man?

This is getting out of hand (pun intended).

So it seems everyone breaks up and it isn't about the music or money. If you don't pay attention to 'them,' they will leave you eventually. Isn't it funny that it doesn't work the other way round?

i am interested in women only, u got man?

And I see that you have included homophobia in your already sophisticated wit, it is getting better and better. I'm beginning to believe your ex-gf is very lucky (that you broke up with her). After all, who wants a relationship with a dumb person that makes dull music?

180 times people didn't find my music to be dull at all and they actually paid for it. And thats just one of the stats.

180 times people didn't find my music to be dull at all and they actually paid for it. And thats just one of the stats.

Perhaps your new g/f is among them.

Your gf situation needs fixing and really f$@%ing soon if you value being with her. This thing runs far deeper than simply whether she listens to your music or not.

It sounds like somewhere down the line you've lost her respect so you will need to work on fixing this or she will eventually leave you.

Forget about the stats lol, I'm sure peeps are only joking but maybe your girlfriend was thinking the same thing? lol

All joking aside I think maybe girlfriends and wives aint the best at communicating with their partners about how good or bag they find your music. We need to put ourselves in their shoes for a sec and think do they have a hobby of their own? do they feel as passionately about something as you do? probably not, your also forgetting that you are a musician and that non musicians tend to like music that they have heard a dozen times on the radio and not in a 4 bar loop for hours on end. There are loads of factors that could stop your girlfriend liking your stuff or it maybe that she just doesn't like the genre you make.

It does kick you in the teeth when you make something you think is awesome and it doesn't really make much of an impression on her. It sucks, it drains your creativity and takes you from feeling like the best producer that the world has seen to some fool dreaming away on the laptop.

Luckily someone said something once which has stuck with me, there was this guy who couldn't fathom why in 2 years of production he has not made anything really good. He said "if you keep on regardless one day you will make something and your friends will say how good it is without you asking for their opinion on it" this is possible and think how amazing your track would of been if you had managed to get your ex to comment on your music without even prompting her. I see loads of producers who are big that i think ok you were just in the right place at the right time but there is a small bunch where you think that they have so much skill there is no chance that they could not ever make it with music like that.

With a laymen they don't get hung up on any detail, all they know is wether or not it sounds like a "real song" if you can get to that point then your half way there.

With my girl I treat it like gorilla warfare now, I use her as the benchmark of quality, If I can win her over on it then its kosher lol (still trying) Get the layman to like your stuff and you'll be famous dude

...I think maybe girlfriends and wives aint the best at communicating with their partners about how good or bag they find your music...

I'm happy to say that I have never had such bad luck. 8)

It does kick you in the teeth when you make something you think is awesome and it doesn't really make much of an impression on her. It sucks, it drains your creativity and takes you from feeling like the best producer that the world has seen to some fool dreaming away on the laptop.

Or maybe it's because what you're doing just flat-out sucks and she's just being honest. Hey, it's a possibility, right?

A few Permutations to show that it's not all black and white...

• Your g/f has great taste in music and you just suck and she's being honest.

• Your g/f has great taste in music, you suck, and after a year of her encouragement she's not willing to lie to your face anymore.

• Your g/f has great taste in music and you're just having a bad day with one track, but otherwise she admires your work.

• Your g/f has absolutely no taste in music (or a very different tastes than you) and you know this. Still, you seek approval from her. You're an idiot.

• You're absolutely brilliant at what you do, but your g/f has no clue. Whoops!

etc. etc. etc.

"Food for thought",

Ski

Good points, Ski.

I'd like to add one more:

Don't play your music to your girlfriend/spouse/partner until you've finished it.

Even the most attentive and interested spouse does not want to hear every tweak and change to your music. No-one does except you. And don't expect them to want to hear it more than once after you've finished it either. If they do, that's a bonus.

Like Ski, honesty is not a problem for me. But sometimes a bad reaction is preferred; "Dang! You like it? I'm going to have to make it more weird and disturbing then..."

Like Ski, honesty is not a problem for me. But sometimes a bad reaction is preferred; "Dang! You like it? I'm going to have to make it more weird and disturbing then..."

LOLOLOLOLOL!

Agreed... don't play really rough "demos" unless your partner is used to hearing them. My wife is in the music business, used to hearing all manner of stuff, so I can play her a bunch of (say) roughly conceived orchestral gestures and she gets it.

Recently, I asked her to give me her feedback on two pieces I wrote. She LOVED the first one, asked me to play it 3x. The second one she wasn't sure about. Sure, it gave me pause because I value her opinion. But after giving it a lot of thought, I decided to plow ahead with my vision and I'm happy with what I created. You can't always bat 1000 with anyone whose opinion you value. And you have to have a strong sense of commitment if you're going to survive past moments of self-doubt. Otherwise you might as well give it up.

Really.

And who wants to hear: "Honey, hey honey get in here, I just changed the velocity of that first hit in the conga loop again, come tell me what you think!"

No-one is that interested in anyone.

Um...he dumped her already...eh?

Music "saved his life"....

So...