Transitions

[Walnut]

I'd like some feedback for this.  It's still in demo mode.  And I need to write other parts.  But any suggestions are welcome

[David Nahmani]

I really like the intro, and how you feel wrapped in that synth sound. That really sets the tone right away, putting you in a mood and calls for your attention. Then the guitar... wait, I've heard this before, you've shared that song before haven't you? 

So as far as the way the instruments come in, I'm not a fan of the silence at the end of the intro and before the guitar comes in. I would either do an abrupt transition from the synth to the guitar or a crossfade, but no silence. Maybe just have the guitar and piano come in a second or two earlier. 

For me the synth @0:45 comes in a bit too abruptly, I would have it come in later with the drums. 

Are the drums just kick and snare? I feel like I'm missing. a hi-hat. 

It feels like the distorted guitar has some timing issues around 1:35, I would fix those to make it tight. 

Overall an excellent effort, I would just tweak a few things to make it complete. Great work! :)  

 

[Walnut]

Yes, you've heard it before. I changed the 16th not guitar parts that you suggested I changed.  This song I'm actually working with a live drummer, so I'm just doing the basic rhythm right now so he gets a feel for what I'm after.

I'm going to try and finish it up today and then send it off to him to record live drums.

Hmm. I'll think about the intro more.  I have been playing with it. But yeah I'll try and shift it so it's more fluid.  

Thanks David!

 

 

[David Nahmani]

You're welcome. Sounds good. I'd love to hear it with a live drummer!

[MikeRobinson]

A few idle suggestions from someone who hasn't heard it before:

• The "thirty(!) second intro" doesn't seem to be, in the end, "related to the piece."  This could certainly be an excellent chance to introduce musical ideas which aren't going to prove to be "directly related," but your time to do so is extremely short.  Thirty seconds is twice too long.

• The "entire next minute" is a guitar expression of the same riff. By now, I'm losing interest.

• At 1:35, "I cut you off." Even though your guitar-playing is becoming more interesting, you've never told me what any of this has to do with "a mushroom cloud and a ladder."

While my opinion of course means nothing, my opinion is that "a good song is a story."  Whether that story is "lyrical" or "purely musical" or both, as the case may be, that story first begins somewhere (possibly anticipated by something that will be resolved later), then it progresses somewhere else before finally arriving somewhere else. Unfortunately, if you simply "arrive at the same place" using "increasingly more difficult technical 'chops,'" that's not going to sell you to anyone other than another guitar player.

 

[Shahram Omidvar]

On 7/28/2023 at 5:16 PM, Walnut said:

I'd like some feedback for this.  It's still in demo mode.  And I need to write other parts.  But any suggestions are welcome

My feedback is If the intro is meant to stay (which my taste would suggest so given the music title), I would expand on its theme by melodic/orchestral improvisation. If not; a more harmonised intro with the rest of the rhythmic pattern would work better, but I would slow down the bpm once again to suite the music title.

Good work! 

[Dox]

That is a lot of excellent analysis and advice.😇

I might be tempted to put something of mine on here one day.

[rAC]

Another armchair critic here: I’d shorten the intro as has been suggested by at least ½. And think about layering either a couple of the post 1:21 guitar notes or a couple of piano notes towards the end of the intro.

[Walnut]

I took the feedback you guys said and rewrote some of the parts.

 

 

[Shahram Omidvar]

4 hours ago, Walnut said:

I took the feedback you guys said and rewrote some of the parts.

It sounds well developed. Very nice work.